Jay Carney – “Atheist, you have entered the door to the North. You are now by yourself, standing in a dark room. The pungent smell of mildew eminates from the wet dungeon walls.”

Welfare Raider – “Where are the food stamps?”

Jay Carney – “They’re right next to you!”

Atheist – “I cast a spell!”

Welfare Raider – “Where’s the money come from?”

Jay Carney – “From Obama’s stash, DUH!”

Atheist – “I wanna cast a spell!”

Welfare Raider – “Can I have some money?”

Jay Carney – “YES! You can have some money, just go get it!”

Atheist – “I can cast any of these, right? On the list?”

Jay Carney – “Yes, any of the White House approved ones.”

Welfare Raider – “I’m gonna get a soda, anyone want one? Hey Jay, I’m not in the room, right?”

Jay Carney – “What room??”

Atheist – “I wanna cast ‘ad hominem…’”

Welfare Raider – “The room where he’s casting all these spells from.”

Jay Carney – “He hasnt’ cast anything yet!”

Atheist – “I am though, if you’d listen. I’m casting ‘ad hominem!’”

Jay Carney – “Why are you casting ‘ad hominem’? There’s nothing to attack here.”

Atheist – “I… I’m attacking The Christians!!”

(all laugh)

Jay Carney – “Fine! Fine! You attack ‘The Christians’. There’s a white girl in front of you.”

Atheist – “WOAH!”

Elizabeth Warren – “That’s me, right?”

Jay Carney – “She’s wearing a brown tunic and he has blonde hair and ‘alabaster skin’.”

Elizabeth Warren – “No I don’t, I’m an American Indian.”

Jay Carney – “Let me see that sheet.”

Elizabeth Warren – “Well, it says I have ‘alabaster skin’ but I decided I’m an American Indian!”

Jay Carney – “Whatever! Okay, you guys can talk to each other now if you want.”

(silence)

Atheist – “Hello.”

Elizabeth Warren – “Hello.”

Atheist – “I am Atheist, the Tolerant Free-Thinker.”

Elizabeth Warren – “Then how come you had to cast ‘ad hominem’?”

(laughs)

Jay Carney – “You guys are being attacked.”

Welfare Raider – “Do I see this happening?”

Jay Carney – “NO! You’re outside by the tavern!”

Welfare Raider – “Cool! I get drunk!”

Jay Carney (sighs) – “There are 7 Republicans surrounding you.”

Atheist – “How can they surround us? I had ‘David Axelrod’s magical watchdog’ cast.”

Jay Carney – “No, you didn’t!”

Welfare Raider – “I’m getting drunk! Are there any girls there?”

Atheist (angry) – “I totally did! You asked me if I wanted any equipment before this adventure and I said no but I need material components for all my spells so I cast ‘David Axelord’s faithful watchdog’.”

Jay Carney – “But you never actually cast it.”

Welfare Raider – “Roll the dice to see if I’m getting drunk!”

Jay Carney (sighs and rolls rice) – “Yeah! You are!”

Welfare Raider – “Are there any girls there?”

Jay Carney (annoyed) – “Yeah!”

Atheist – “I did though! I completely said when you asked me.”

Jay Carney (more annoyed) – “No, you didn’t! You didn’t actually say that you were casting the spells so now there’s Republicans, okay?!”

Welfare Raider – “Republicans?! Man, I got Saul Alinsky’s Republican-slaying manifesto! It’s got a +9 against Republicans!”

Jay Carney (angry) – “You’re not there! You’re getting drunk!”

Welfare Raider – “Okay but if there’s any girls there, I want to make ‘em my baby mommas!”